Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Today I met a Wookie!

Today I met a Wookie! When you have such long and thick fur all over your body that a yeti would take one look at you and say "Damn you're a furry bastard!", then maybe a skimpy wife beater is not the best grocery shopping attire. (Also not good for salad bars and buffets as I don’t wanna spend 4 hours defurring my chicken fried rice and shrimp!) Granted it did help me with that “Going shopping while hungry and everything looks tasty” feeling. Still… Standing in line behind a guy with about 4 inch long thick fur all over shoulders, chest, arms, and back is kinda icky.

This guy was sooooooooo furry and under dressed that an 800lb beaded lady, with a partially formed Siamese twin growing out of her neck, would tap him on the shoulder and say “Dude… You gotta do something about that…”

Yes, that man could use a little “Manscaping”. When you can’t tell the difference between where your hairline ends and your back hair begins then a little manscaping can go a long way.

You don’t have to remove it all down to bare skin, but breaking out the weed whacker and reducing the growth doesn’t hurt. There is a huge difference between ¼ inch long hairy body and 4 inch long hairy body! Plus since you are wearing a skimpy outfit it must mean that you are hot, so imagine how much cooler you will feel with 20lbs less body fur retaining all that heat! Hell even dogs shed their winter coat!

Plus you just know a guy that at ease with his furriness has probably got a serious case of afro crotch! Not that I would want to ever see it, but still you know it’s there from the hairs sticking out through his pants like weeds growing through the cracks in the pavement.

When he gets that special gal home and whips it out it, it’s all “Yeah! That’s right! Come and get it!.... What? It’s huge!... Ya just gotta dig for it a bit, It’s in there somewhere…. Oh hey you found that corn puff I lost last week! Give here! It’s still good!”

What do you think the lady is a penis archeologist on yet another exciting dig somewhere deep in the hot, sweaty, man crotch version of the Serengeti?? It’s like that skit on tv where Harrison Ford was mad at Chewie for doing his ex-wife and how she’s still coughing up fur balls! ( http://youtu.be/sWTtMdXAazs )

Manscaping the crotch area is generally a nice thing to do. Plus it makes it look bigger! :)

In the words of Dr. Evil… “There's nothing quite like a shorn scrotum... It's breathtaking... I suggest you try it!"

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