Saturday, October 29, 2011

Ranting of a crazy person about Just-in Beaver and Midget cops!

I don’t get the whole Just-in Beaver craze going on. You could say I am getting old, but I was young when everyone was fawning over “Backstreet Boys” and the “New Kids on the Block” and thought it was kinda over done then too. However, now with internet and our always on, always plugged in world, combined with billions of sheeple who are easily programmed to drink the cool aid served up by their corporate overlords, we have an even more inflated (or deflated) version of “celebrity” now. Apparently anyone can become a celebrity with the right PR firm behind them.

Are you a stupid as a pile of bricks Guido who can barely string together a sentence or comprehend much more than grunts and smells? Here’s a reality TV show, endorsements, millions of dollars, millions of fans, and God help me… book deals…. You may never have read a book before, hell you might not even be able to read, but draw some pretty pictures on your cave wall while grunting away at a ghost writer and BOOM you are a published author!

To evolved for that kind of show? Maybe you are serious breeder! Eight to sixteen kids or more and you get a show too! At one point in time these women were used as examples of what you would never want to become. Now they are looked up to and admired by teen girls who believe that their ticket to fame, fortune and everything they want is to breed like there’s no tomorrow and get on tv!

Not into destroying your body popping out a couple dozen kids or so? Then be a super hoe and let a rock star pee on you on video! Then turn those 5 seconds of fame into a reality show as well… Why not then hoe up the whole family and increase the fun!

Don’t wanna be peed on for fame and fortune? Do you have a rich dad or were once known for something no matter how small? Then how about just a sex tape which will then get “Stolen”. You can “fight” to have it stopped from being sold! Make a HUGE scene in the press over it while working out the distribution rights and royalties on the side. Maybe reshoot a few scenes if the publishers weren’t impressed by the quality. (Paris didn’t do it, but others have) Then parlay that small boost of public knowledge that you kinda exist in some form into a…. yup! REALITY SHOW!!

If that doesn’t do it for you and you are a guy who is a downright hairy bastard with totally lame facial hair you’re set too! That’s right “Whisker Wars” is the place for you. As the show site states “hair raising world of competitive facial hair growing”. That’s right! You get to follow these hairy buggers all the way to the grand competition in Norway!! Who knew there was such a “Sport” to begin with… and better yet, who really cared.

Reality TV is the bane of entertainment. Sure a few are ok… good even. But for every good “reality” show (which is more loosely scripted with untrained actors and shoestring budgets guaranteed to turn profit even if it bombs) there are about 100 really, really bad ones. What happened to good TV? Paris Hilton gets several shows and seasons by being stupid, annoying and pointless… Yet well-crafted shows like “Firefly”, “Farscape”, “Better Off Ted”, “Stargate” (any of them), and “Enterprise” (last season was great and finally found their feel) get axed!


Still back to that Just-in Beaver kid, or as he is known in the US “Canadian Jesus”. Personally I think he is one of the signs of the coming apocalypse! Maybe even one of the horsemen! Perhaps Pestilence or Death… After all, it is always the one you least expect right. Imagine how many boil covered, disease ridden, soon to be corpses would look upon him and say “Fuck me! I would never have seen that one coming!” as he strolled through town killing everyone through music and gay haircuts.

Personally if the apocalypse comes I want a zombie apocalypse! It would give me a chance to break open my “In case of zombie apocalypse” emergency kit again! I say again as when I lived in Toronto they have a yearly zombie walk that I didn’t know about. I managed to take out 20 or so before the cops took me down with a well-placed Taser shot to the nuts. Damn midget cop! I thought there were height restrictions! It’s like being taken out by a Gnome in World of Warcraft! One moment you are alone taking a leisurely stroll through the woods and the next you are dead and never saw what happened. Next thing you know a damn gnome mage pops out from behind a small rock and tea bags your corpse!

Anyway… Lucky for me a simple “Oops… My bad” got me off as it was an honest mistake.

Still good practice for the day it really happens. Though with my luck I will be at the damn mall or something else far from my emergency kit when it happens. It’ll be all “DUDE ZOMBIE!!” and I’ll be all “Wha.. *MUNCH* DAMNIT!!!” Be like in the movies and I will forever be known as “zombie victim #5” when the break out occurred. Or as it will be more commonly be known to our zombie replacements in the centuries to come “Graaaaaa mmmmmm naaaaaannnn errrrrrrr”

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