Monday, October 24, 2011

A Day in Moncton

Today I went for a walk around Moncton and did a little shopping. Here are some things I saw:

• Occupy Wall street has made it to Moncton now with the Moncton branch Occupying Main Street by the City Hall. Must say I was quite impressed by the sheer number of supporters that are diligently protesting for the 99%. There must have been at least 10 signs and one protestor! I suppose variety keeps things interesting for her. If you get tired with one sign there are 9 more to choose from! Granted there was a second person there as well, but I am not sure if they were protesting, visiting the protestor, or just waiting for a bus… Either way the Maritime revolution has begun! I went past twice today and only saw one or two people both times. Maybe the rest were in Timmy’s debating social injustice over timbits and coffee.

• Wandered through Sears and found out where ugly shirts go to die. Yup the Sears men’s wear department. Normally I like Pierre Cardin, but it seems like Sears only sells their “Senile Old Man” collection. Some of those shirts should be arrested for eyeball rape! I looked at a few where the colors and pattern were soooooo bad it actually made me dizzy and queasy just to look at it and move at the same time! Strangely though the shirts, which only the most fashionably disabled would wear while out for a fun filled night of Bingo and yelling at kids to get off their lawns, actually cost as much as higher quality Italian shirts! I am talking shirts with actual style and comfort. Shirts that don’t make you look like a reject from the fashion wars. Maybe Moncton needs more gay guys? Ugly striped dress shirts are bad enough. Plaid dress shirts are an abomination, but plaid stripped dress shirts!!! WTF!!! I saw one there that was a plaid stripped dress shirt with every ugly color imaginable in the pattern for $80. It was made of nasty feeling material and looked like an unholy aborted mating of a 70’s couch and drapes!!! It was the type of thing villagers in the Middle Ages would form a mob to hunt down and kill with fire!!

• Wandering through the mall I saw many guys with plaid belly. Basically those plaid lumberjack shirts that are warm and comfy (the only good plaid shirt), with two or three missing buttons allowing their large hairy beer bellies to hang out of the shirt and over their belts, while everything else is covered. Now personally I would notice this and do up the buttons or maybe get new buttons, but then again it is also possible the belly simply outgrew the shirt and now instead of getting a new shirt the guy just buttons as far down as possible and leaves the rest. “What you mean I’m fat! I am wearing the same shirt I wore when I met you! It just shrank a little on the bottom half…” That or they look at the other guys around here and say “Fuck it… I’m still hotter than half these guys.” Moncton does have a kinda welfaresheik style to it. Even people with money seem to wear clothes that look like they were handed down to them from a 70’s trailer park.

• While at the food court in Champlain Place some teentard was wandering around with his friends yelling “Ooooohhhhh Yeaaaaahhhhh!” for no apparent reason. I kinda hoped Randy Savage’s ghost would appear and bitch slap him, but it never happened. Hell I would have even settled for the Cool Aid dude bustin through a wall and taking him out.

• I also saw a 400lb woman eating half the food courts food and complaining to another even bigger woman (both in scooters) how her diet wasn’t working as she wasn’t losing any weight at all! The two women had so much food it took up two tables! It was all greasy fast food, yet they both were perplexed over why they weren’t losing weight! “I don’t get it! I barely eat anything at all anymore and I am still gaining weight!” “I blame it on the kids! My body just never been the same since I had them!” Really…. You sure it’s not the 4 large blizzards I see in front of you and the two trays of A&W each?

I like Moncton… Don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I look around and think WTF?

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